Horror Films + A Story About Me!

I love horror movies. Given, the genre is totally played out nowadays, but if you can find the diamond in the rough, it's usually wonderfully terrifying. That said, if I watch any sort of horror movie, I get really paranoid when I'm alone that night. Tonight, I saw The Last Exorcism and, although I wasn't blown away, it brought up this reoccuring vision that goes like this: I am sitting at my desk in my room, my back turned to both of my doors, headphones on, music loud (like I do every night), and the creepy monster from [REC] creeps in without me knowing. I hear the floor creek, I look back and BAM! It's right there and just attacks me. I feel like I wouldn't put up much of a fight in that situation, but just this vision horrifies me. The thought of such a malevolent being, creeping up on me and me not knowing until the last second just seems... Ugh. It sends chills down my spine just thinking about it.
I should also add that I have been an avid horror movie fan since I was little and I had nightmares for years. I remember a fair amount of them too. But while I have been writing this, I have looked over my shoulder several times. I keep expecting a decrepit hand to just reach over my shoulder and spin me out of my chair. It's so incredibly irrational, but I can't help it.
While I'm on the topic, when I'm in full horror/paranoid mode, I hate going in front of mirrors. I don't know what it is, but I always expect the image in the mirror to be demonic or to do something different and then I freak out and... My god, I am not sleeping tonight...
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on:

The Last Exorcism (Daniel Stamm, 2010)
You may be saying to yourself, Lolwat? Why is there a picture of an adorable Corgi puppy instead of the movie poster for The Last Exorcism? Because I know for a fact that if I google image search "The Last Exorcism," a horrifying image of Linda Blair will pop up (or something worse) and, being in full paranoid/horrified mode right now, I will fix that when daylight comes. Don't you judge me. The mind does crazy things.

Now, to the film. Basically, this just tried to be a mix between Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist. What it ended up being was far from that. I will admit, the first half of this film is incredibly tense, but the ending... Man, talk about a cop out.

The story is this: A pastor who has been doing exorcisms since he was 10 goes on camera to attempt to prove to everyone that it's all just a sham and that these "possessions" are really just in the victims head. Apparently, people have died during exorcisms and, since he believes they are just scams, he feels that he will be saving a tremendous amount of lives by doing this.

Okay, since you're caught up on the story, I'll talk about the flaws. As I previously stated, it seemed like the filmmakers were just trying to make a new movie of the same old things. It's basically an amalgamation of The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, Paranormal Activity, and [REC]. Four horror movies I deeply respect, but shouldn't be combined. The film makes it seem like the writers, Huck Botko and Andrew Gurland, got bored and just decided to end it. I can just imagine the conversation they had when wrapping the story up, Alright, I no longer care, I just want to get this done. Andy, go to your collection and just grab some horror movies and we'll just take the most common ending amongst them. I feel like we have enough intensity in the middle section that we can just make a stupid ending and no one will care. For shame, Huck and Andy. For shame.

Some good things about this though:
1) Some solid acting by the adorable Ashley Bell (in her debut film role). She plays the possessed girl. I was pretty blown away by how well she was able to go from cute and "man, I just want to hug you" to "dear sweet Saint Patrick, stay away from me. IS THAT A KNIFE?!?!?!?!"
2) Hmmm... I've been thinking about this for a while. I think that may be it. Yup. That's all.
3) Oh wait, I got something else. The first half is incredibly edge-of-your-seat. I grabbed my friends arm during one scene and I believe that was the first time I have ever done that. I felt like a 14 year old girl. No shame. But the intensity dies down rather abruptly. Just warning you.

I think most movies about demon possession just seem to get to me. I'll admit, I'm not very religious, but it's an interesting concept and I think the uncertainty behind it is what makes the topic so terrifying. I have been curious to know what the people are going through when they are "blacked-out" during the possession, but no movie really talks about it. The way they make it seem is sort of like anesthesia before surgery. You just blink and a lot happened that you have no recollection of actually taking place. I don't know though. (Horrible memories of The Exorcist are coming back to me... Why am I doing this post at 4am?)

Last thing, although it may seem like a lot of complaining, I love the feeling of being terrified. It's so refreshing; like defibrillating my imagination. It goes from being "meh" to "Were those my floorboards creaking? DEMONS ARE COMING TO INFILTRATE MY MIND! GET ME A ROSERY! I'M SORRY, GOD! WHY ME!?!??!?!? WHY!?!?!?!?!?!? WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!??!?!?" Then someone walks into my room thinking I just smashed in Nancy Kerrigan's knee, the cops get called, I have to sign a release form to be on TV, then I'm known as "that guy from the TV lookity box, what with the wrestling and such" Bad news bears.

★★★ - Watch any of the other films I have mentioned in this post before seeing this one. If you thought this looked interesting, I say go see it. Don't pay $10 for it. It may be worth $5.




I had a nostalgic moment while thinking about these horrifying films; I wanted to share.
My First Time Seeing The Exorcist:
My dad knew I loved horror movies when I was younger so, I think it was like 5th grade, a local theater was doing a special Halloween showing and so he took me to see it. I don't think I have ever been more terrified of anything in my entire life since. My dad kept asking, "Are you gonna be alright? Do you wanna leave?" but I was persistent. I was not leaving the theater before the credits. So, I made it through (a lot of the time I had spent with my eyes diverted, but I got the gist of it). When I got home, my mom said something along the lines of, "What'd you think? Were you scared when her head spun around?" I. Absolutely. Freaking. Lost. It. I did a good job of keeping my composure for most of the night, but when she said that, I just started bawling out of sheer terror and clung to her like she was God; like she would ward off any horrible demon that would walk through the door at that instant. Needless to say, I was traumatized, but, oddly enough, I have been searching for that same feeling ever since. I still haven't found it. I am dying to see a film that leaves me sitting indian style in bed that night with a baseball bat. Anything that would make me overreact more than usual. I think that's why I turn to traumatically disturbing films now. They stick with me in the same sense that horror movies used to.

Epilogue: I have seen it 4 times since and every time, I have kept my eyes focused on the screen, making sure to never look away. I still regard it as the most terrifying film I have ever seen.






Side note:
I fell behind on my "Vintage Dames" post. Part 1 will be tomorrow, don't worry.






Roll credits.

P.S.: Here is the poster for The Last Exorcism. I couldn't bring myself to take down that adorable corgi. I just love looking at him :)